" The truth will set you free but first it will piss you off." - Alexandra Billings
The truth is that I've just started re-instating a solid physical Yoga practice in my life again after not having one for 5 months.  And why have I not had one for this long?  Because I knew there was something that would come up that I didn't want to come up.  And what has emerged after just 4 classes of Yoga: pain, anger, frustration, sadness, childhood stubbornness, tantrums and tears, and every excuse in the book as to why I can't or shouldn't be practicing.  It started with a car accident in the beginning of the year and then moved onto a bicycle accident.  I've been avoiding my responsibilities of making myself truly happy.  And why would I do that?  Cause I have to go through the shit storm to get there.
So on my path to freedom and happiness, I've got to make a pit-stop at "bleh" first.  I was in my yoga class today and the teacher asked us to do an inversion.  I sat on my mat quietly, making the decision not to do it because the previous week I had tried and my hand ( that I had hurt in my bike accident) went all spasmy.  Who wants to revisit that, right?  She told me, very directly to please join the class.  I said that I would not.  She said "why?", as if me having my own ideas was absurd.  I told her about my injury and she said she would help me and to please join the class.  I felt like a bad child.  She had the TA come over and hold my wrists, which infuriated me.  Number one, most yoga teachers let students decide what to do with their own bodies, number two now I had to go into the possibility of my hand re-spasming or doing some other ungodly thing that would freak me out and number three the whole class was watching and I really didn't feel like battling my hand, the teacher and probably my tears in front of everyone....

Now, with her and the TA's help, my hand didn't do anything it wasn't supposed to. Well, wasn't that a nice little gift to me: initial freedom from the fear...I'm curious to see what comes up next week. ;)
 


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