"After awhile you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul. And you learn that love doesn't mean security, and you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts and presents aren't promises......."
-Veronica A. Shoftstall

I saw this quote and it summed up perfectly what I've always felt and not been able to express for years...So what is security?  It's letting go of something/ someone that you find your "security" in and finding comfort in the feeling of free falling into the unexpected and unforeseen ( ie. like when your car dies in the middle of the road at 8:45am and you have to be at work in 15 minutes or when your lover leaves you).
 
Post Title. 02/24/2010
 
"Non-acceptance is always suffering, no matter what you are not accepting. Acceptance is always freedom, no matter what you are accepting. " Cheri Huber


I've noticed that life tends to go smoother when I go with the flow.  Yesterday I had a conversation that went like this:
Him: Can I have it to use?
Me: No.
Him: Can I have it to use?
Me: No, but you can have this other thing.
Him: Can I have it to use?
Me: No.
Me Later (after this conversation stayed in my head for several hours): Okay Yes.
 
And that lead to my freedom. It stayed in my head because it took energy to hold the 'No'.  When I finally chose to let him have it,  then I stopped thinking about it.  I figured out I was reacting to him being pushy rather than my actual attachment to giving him the thing he wanted. I chose to go with the flow instead of hinder it. What good does that do either one of us?
 
 
"Be faithful in small things because it is in them that your strength lies."
- Mother Teresa
It's so easy to take things for granted at times.  I'm going to venture to say that if you are doing a lot of self help work these days it's also easy to lose sight of your strength because you're focusing on the parts of you that you want to make stronger.  I know it has for me.  But if we occasionally check in and see that we're really good at certain things like picking up your pieces, knowing who you can trust, your acute discernment between smells, etc. then you see that you DO have a strong understanding of some things. When we take note of these things, it becomes the platform to build everything else on that seems wobbly by itself.
 
 
"What you are afraid to do is a clear indicator of the next thing you need to do." ~Author Unknown
I've been coming up against a five year old inside of me recently. This five year old is stubborn and indignant about shifting or moving anything in any new direction.  Sometimes I feel frustrated having to find a way to move her into a flow instead of the "stick in the mud" she's being, but I also know that she's being this way because she's scared of change.  The way I go about coaxing her out is being patient because as soon as I get angry or push her to move, she roots down even further and I know that I have to wait longer for her to open up. HA!  Where is your child inside? I've learned the best thing to do with this child is to be understanding and loving unconditionally. She then feels safe to unclench and open a bit more.
 
 
"The better you learn to take care of yourself, the less you settle for being around people who can’t or won’t treat you as well as you’re accustomed."
- Curtis Sittenfeld
Yes.
 
 
"Life is rather like a tin of sardines - we're all of us looking for the key." -Alan Bennet
And the key is something that is very personal to each of us.  No one else can or will ever give it to you.
 
Never Stop. 01/13/2010
 
"Never stop. One always stops as soon as something is about to happen." ~Peter BrookI found myself getting upset for several days this week as new territory opened to me.  Stuckness and anger emerged and it left me wanting to run into a cave and not come out.  But I find that if I treat myself like a 5 year old and listen compassionately to where my anger is coming from I am able to step forward in small increments instead of dash away to a safe cave somewhere.  When I do this, more things that I want open up to me. Now that feels incredible. When are you running away?  Treat yourself with kindness when you want to run.  It means the vulnerable kid in you is asking to be heard in that particular situation.  We only continue to act like kids when we don't take the time to show that part of ourselves that everything is safe.
 
Change 01/06/2010
 
"Let the world change you, and you can change the world." - Che Guevara

Sometimes I find myself resisting change, especially when there is a feeling wrapped up in it that I don't want to let go of.  But what is that about? Because I am then closing myself to the experience of other wonderful things when I can't let go of something. When we find ourselves not able to "go with the flow"  sometimes it's helpful to remember that there are new 'feel goods' waiting for us to explore.
 
 
"We can love others with their failures when we stop despising ourselves because of our failures"    -Desmond Tutu 
Sometimes loving myself can be tricky.  It's hard when I've gone against what I know is right for me.  It's also hard when I don't let myself off the hook.  When those things happen I know it's time for some new perspective and to let go of making myself wrong.  So I turn it around and look at the lesson it holds for me.  Then next time I know that I'll make a better choice and there is no reason to continue feeling badly.
 
The Field. 12/16/2009
 
"Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there."
-Jalal ad-Din Rumi (1207-1273)

Ideally, that field is where we go to find our happiness.  But the world is messy with contradictory rules, beliefs and expectations.  Needless to say,  it can be challenging to find that field.  The best way I know of to "meet someone there" is by getting there myself.